Cartoon Network and kart racing. The two go together like Mario and kart racing, Sonic and kart racing, or Mortal Kombat and kart racing. In every case it doesn’t sound like the most plausible idea. But when Nintendo proved otherwise in the early 90s, game publishers everywhere watched in envy and quickly followed with their own kart titles.

Cartoon Network Racing (CNR) is the byproduct of our industry’s traits – another cookie to throw on the plate. Cookies, no matter how similar their shapes may appear, do not all contain the same flavor. They are often differentiated with sprinkles, frosting, or a fruity filling. Not knowing which flavor to use, some chefs like to toss in every ingredient they can find. CNR is that cookie. It’s the sugar, pumpkin, peanut butter, pecan sandie, and chocolate chip of the kart racing world.

These ingredients might sound delicious on paper, but let’s pause and think about this for a moment. Individually, they make for quite the tasty treat. But would we really want to mix them together? Would we really want a chocolate, pumpkin and peanut butter pecan sandie?

Network Racing

When the stars of several Cartoon Network shows get the urge to race, there’s only one thing to do: hop in a car, grab a partner, and fight for the finish line.

That’s it for the concept, now on to the contents.

Play as characters from Courage the Cowardly Dog, Cow and Chicken, I Am Weasel, Johnny Bravo, The Powerpuff Girls, and Dexter’s Laboratory. Each show has its own set of tracks (three to be exact), and they tend to follow the theme of the show.

I haven’t watched Cow and Chicken enough to tell you if they live by the sea or whether they’ve visited Iceland, but two of its levels are titled “Sea Sea Rider” and “No Business Like Snow Business.” The Sea stage is a watery land with bridges and areas of H2O danger. Snow Business is the inevitable winter stage found in every kart racer (and many action/adventures). You don’t notice any flakes falling, but the roads are covered in snow. Ice is an infrequent hazard, though it’s still best to avoid it as much as possible.

The last Cow and Chicken stage has fled my memory, but the manual says it’s titled after the show (as are all the final stages of each tier).

“A Walk In The Park” and “Tilt We Meet Again” are two of Johnny Bravo’s courses. Park is set up like a haunted mansion – another Mario Kart clone. Tilt gets its name from its pinball design, which, as it turns out, has already been done in a previous Mario Kart game. The idea is still a little interesting. There are bumpers to avoid, and with the cars’ lack of stability, you might be fooled into thinking you are a pinball.

“Saturday Fright Fever” is Courage the Cowardly Dog’s second course. It is, as you could probably guess, another haunted house-type stage. “Farmed and Dangerous,” Cowardly’s first, is a Bob Evans-approved track that reeks of Mario Kart. There’s just no escaping that game. I suppose you could if you tried to implement a few original ideas, as Crash, Sonic, Diddy Kong, and other Mario Kart clones did. But CNR makes no such attempt. It doesn’t seem to try to cover up the fact that it’s a clone.

Likewise, the power-ups came from the Mario Kart playbook: bombs, enemy-seeking missiles, speed boosts, a faux power-up (to mislead and slow down opponents), and an oil can that makes the road slick.

You have two characters on your team – one who drives and one who grabs and throws power-ups. Oh where could they have gotten such an idea?

Given how much I like the Mario Kart series (and numerous other kart racers), I don’t expect most of the newer games to be original. In that respect, my expectations for Cartoon Network Racing were very low.

However, I did expect the game to, at the very least, play fast and control efficiently. Neither expectation was fulfilled. The game is very, very slow. You don’t have the 50, 100, and 150cc cup options that Mario Kart provides. There isn’t a way to make the vehicles go faster. Brief power boosts don’t really count, not when you spend the rest of the race driving like grandpa on a Sunday morning.

Steering mechanics, the most important control aspect of any racing game, are handled very poorly. Make one little mistake and you’ll collide with a wall or an opponent. Collisions make the game run slower – believe me, you do not want that! Try to escape the newfound attachment and you’ll bounce away from your opponent, slide around the track, and have a difficult time gaining full control again.

Having years of experience behind me, I know how to handle a game with bad controls. CNR is not a total mess – I guess that’s something - but it is monotonous. Perfect controls wouldn’t have made this game exciting. Without any thrills to look forward to, CNR’s replay value is very low.

Gameplay: 5.0
A slippery, poorly handled racing game that mimics Mario Kart’s every move. It’s hard to steer, moves at a tiring pace, and is filled with course designs and layouts that have already been produced by other games – and in a much better form.

Graphics: 6.0
Awesome backgrounds, but that’s it. The worlds are lively and seem like cool places to visit, but are complete knock-offs of the recent Mario Kart games. Drivers and their vehicles come cel-shaded, but the effect isn’t done very well.

Sound: 6.0
Kooky music that’s so happy it’ll make you wonder where it came from. None of the Cartoon Network characters have lives that are that cheerful.

Difficulty: Easy
Easier than trying to sit through a lame Saturday morning cartoon. (We’ve all done it… Why does it never occur to us that we could just get up and walk away?)

Concept: 4.0
Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Nothing original, nothing praised.

Multiplayer: 5.0
Too slow and shallow to be an enjoyable, long-lasting multiplayer racer. Only two players are supported, and this is a PS2 game. Four-player split-screen was not uncommon 10 years ago on N64. What gives!?

Overall: 5.0
It’s hard to recommend this game to anyone. Cartoon Network Racing doesn’t do anything special. It doesn’t contain any hidden hooks, nor does it fulfill the promise of bringing the excitement of a CN series to the video-game world. Kids will play till they’re bored (a day or two, max), which means they’ll have another “toy” sitting on the shelf that goes untouched.